Stu

Stu came home today and announced that he thinks he's "done". It went so far as to discuss splitting property, money, etc. I've been a mess all day. Shelly came and hung out for a bit but I was pretty terrible company.

To make matters worse he announced it while Steve was sitting in the car. So he's got moral support while I was screwed. Nice.

Tonight we went into the bedroom to talk. Nothing is resolved, not by far, but I think we might be making progress. He's gone from being certain to promising he'll think things through more tomorrow. I pointed out (and it killed me to do it) that he doesn't love Logan, his parents, his sister, etc. So obviously he can't feel how he's supposed to. So how can he tell me he doesn't think he cares for me like he should.

I asked about councelling, but he's pretty against the idea. Had a bad experiance when he was younger. But I wish he'd give it a try. Alone or I could go with him, whatever would make him the most comfortable.

He said he doesn't feel like he's meant to ever be with anyone because of his feelings. Now that is bullshit. A guy like Stuart is meant for someone. Even if it ends up not being me... he's meant for someone.

He told me some of the nitpicky issues that have been bothering him. I pointed out that if he could just talk openly like this more maybe we could work through things. He argued that it goes completely against his personality to talk about such things, but I pointed out he managed tonight. All I'm asking him to do is try.

I think that might be the point that got him. That, and I admit I was kind of evil here, and when I asked him what he would do if something had happened to Steve. (Steve came home Sunday, btw.) He said he'd completely close down... and I pointed out that that's not normal. Yes it's devastating to lose a best friend, but to just close up and give up... isn't normal, you know? When I said that he had to agree with me, and I think that's when he started to consider the other points I was making.

I'll try to keep you guys posted, but if it keeps on the track it's going I'm going to be pretty heartbroken for a while. Please keep your fingers crossed for us, I really believe this is something he's going through... not a permanent thing. If I really felt he didn't love me, I would walk away. As hard as it would be, I would.