I Should Be Mad, Hurt, Upset... But I'm Calm

Nope. No working things out, no thinking things through. He doesn't want to. He said, "I might be making a big mistake, but it's mine to make."

Doesn't seem fair, but not much I can do about it. He's depressed... I'd been suspecting as much for a while but now I'm sure. He says he doesn't feel anything for me, but he's not feeling ANYTHING right now. He refuses to see a councellor for himself, but he said he'll go for me. So I made an appointment on October 23rd. I think that gives us some time to get our thoughts straight. Hopefully when we go in and I start talking about things Stuart might realize that HE needs help too.

I'm surprisingly calm right now. My heart doesn't feel like it's breaking... maybe because I've accepted that this might be for the best? And I'm not mad, though everyone thinks I should be. He was a heartless bastard the way he did things, and he knows it. He admitted it. And yet he doesn't feel bad. That proves my point that something is wrong... that's not the Stuart I know.

So I bought myself some new bedding today. I'm going to use Stu's bed until he moves out because he is not sticking me on the futon. When he is gone my dad said I can have my old bed from his place, so I'm set there. And he and my mom are going to get me a tv for Christmas since the one we have his Stu's.

Um... I get to keep the Wii, PS2 and laptop, he gets the 360 and computer. 360 is obvious as he put it on his credit card and I'll have nothing to do with paying for it. The Wii was a gift but he doesn't use it much, and since I use it for my fitness and what not... he feels I should have it. PS2 I guess he just doesn't care much about, and since it has Rock Band and Guitar Hero I'm happy to keep it.

I bought him something today when I was downtown. Part of me said I shouldn't, but part of me really wants to be the one to give it to him. It's a South Park dvd thing. It's got straight to dvd episodes... so I thought he'd like it. It'll be something to remember me by.

I'm going to go make myself eat something. I didn't eat yesterday at all, even after Shelly and I grabbed some Chinese. So I'll heat that up. I'm still not hungry, but I'm not gonna starve myself for him. What would be the point? He's already proven he wouldn't give a shit what happens....